“Ten things you should stop doing after you turn 30”: how many times have you stumbled upon a variation of this article? For women, the word ‘age’ is dreadful – uttered in hushed voices and only amongst our closest of friends, it carries an immense burden.
“You are too…¬” the moment you hear the beginning of this sentence, you can feel the cold sweat dripping from your forehead. We are always too young or too old to do something, too small or too large, too fat or too skinny. The words “you are too” create an almost tangible gap between the things you want to do and the things society expects of you, which in turn fosters feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression.
We are constantly faced with restrictions, taught to behave in ways that are appropriate for how we look (no tank tops if you’re thick) or our age (do you really think you can get away with this skirt length). We are taught which areas of life are restricted for us and which we can still ‘inhabit’ and in turn, this leads to one thing: women around the globe believing they’re just not good enough – starting of every age and especially at “middle age”. What a description somewhere between 30 and 50?? – I know middle aged cheese which puts a funny expression on peoples faces – you have to like it or not.
AGE - I take it as Attention Great Experience!!!! –
And this is why I came up with the acronym
AGE - ATTITUDE-GRATITUDE-ENERGY
and I will explain why the next time you hear the word age, you should feel nothing else but pride!! Because at a certain age - and only at a certain age – you know exactly what to do again or not to do – because you have the experience – and you know because you did it. And the only thing you regret are the flaws you have done only once - those flaws which were labelled - very cool but not clever – anyway those who still bring a smile to your face.🤩
What happens when someone says you’re too old to do something?
It only means they judge you based on whatever rules and restrictions they have in their own head. More often than not, these limits are imposed by society and hold little meaning. It tells you a lot about the person on the other side and about their limiting beliefs and anxiety.
Soafter all, what so magical happens at the turning point between 29 and 30 that should make you stuff your favorite miniskirt at the back of your wardrobe?🤔
Of course, this is a trivial example but it doesn’t end here. If you’re over 55, you are not allowed to purchase a new home on a credit because the bank believes you won’t be able to pay it off until you get your pension. If you want to apply for a new job after the age of 50, you’ll probably be faced with the same rejection phrase – “you’re too senior” – sounding a bit more sophisticated but same meaning.
So, you are too senior to get employed but at the same time, you have to work until 65. Do you catch my drift?
Why not - you are adding some shades of grey?! - and then it is about variety and there are a lot of strengths in having people of different ages on board?
The issue is that most companies fill their top positions with young people because they believe they’re more energetic. Is that right?
These senior women who accomplished a lot in their lives - gave birth, organized life and worked full time or/and always juggling several chores at once. Like having family, a home, a taxi business for the children and being a full time event manager for the whole family from 6am and still active at 8pm.
Are we, somehow lacking in the energy that makes us productive members of society?
I believe there’s a widespread misconception that says women at a certain age all share the same thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. When they turn 30, 40, 50, 60, women are expected to fall under the category of “too old for that” – whatever that might be.
For some reason, it’s not (exactly) the same for men. And here we are, just around the corner of the even more dreadful midlife crisis. There are few things more heartbreaking than your husband leaving you for a younger wife – a woman that might be seen as ‘superior’ to you simply because she is “young enough” for “him” to not realize he is getting older too.
Is growing older a piece of art or do you just need to be brave?
I believe the midlife crisis is rooted in the same concerns and fears we, women, share: you wake up one morning, see the wrinkles on your face and the fine lines marring the corners of your eyes, and you glance to the side where you see an exact reflection of your age on your spouse’s face. Perhaps the midlife crisis is nothing more but an attempt to feel younger just by looking at someone who’s younger.
Biology has blessed men with the opportunity of having children well into their 80s, so starting anew – from scratch again - is somehow easier for them. And you can try to make it better this time – simply ignoring or just forgetting you are already part of a family story.
Children are the one thing that, sadly, you would be “too old for” one day. And that’s entirely okay because AGE isn’t something you should be afraid of – it shouldn’t be something you run away from by settling up for a younger husband, or by covering up the wrinkles and fine lines with expensive surgery. Just because one day you might be too old to have children, it shouldn’t be a reason to feel defeated, depressed, or too old for anything else.
On her blog on Instagram which is called “Old Chicks Know Shit”, I love the name!! - a woman that has worked tirelessly to redefine "old" age, talks about the stages of womanhood. That’s right! We age but as we age, we go through some amazing, magical transformations that don’t take away from our womanhood but simply add more layers. As you go through these transitions – menopause, for instance – you gain a deeper understanding of what makes you a woman. And wisdom is showing up – the wisdom we could use to support younger women – to be real role models for them instead of competing with them.
Pls also check Dr. Christiane Northrup who has written several great books - I like most the wonderful book about "The Wisdom of Menopause".
There are so many great women out there who are awesome and for me it is a mission to be a great role model for younger women - isn't that something to go for?
I firmly believe women need women around them. Think about the ancient times of the cavemen, when men would roam the dangerous outside looking for food and women would often stay to take care of the sick, the injured and the kids. It’s not because they were too weak to join their men by their side. It’s because women are great at nurturing.
Let's go for the next Acronym
AGEE - C'est francais!! - French – another top reframing - don't you think so?!
Attitude – Gratitude – Experience and - Energy !!!
Women need other women around them to nurture themselves and replenish their feminine energy. In your teens, you surround yourself with a tight-knit group of girlfriends who you spend countless hours discussing girly things – from boys and make-up through ‘feminine’ issues and the changes that occur to your bodies. As you grow older, if you’re lucky enough, you find yourself surrounded by amazing women who are always there to lift your spirits when you’re feeling down. Mothers and soon-to-be moms seek out other women who’ve gone through the same thing to exchange advice and share fears that a man would hardly understand.
Female support is of particular importance when you enter the stage of the Empty Nest. When kids are old enough to leave the home – to work, to study or start families of their own – and, in some cases, your husband follows in tow. When this happens, it is your group of women, your most trusted friends and advisors that stays by your side.
So let’s lift and support each other instead of faces. Let’s make “uplifting the new face lifting”. – another article on this coming soon…..
Let’s cheer each other up as we go through our journey of womanhood and become role models for young women as we get older.
And last but not least, instead of talking about age, let’s talk about energy. Your energy is not a factor of your age: it depends on the people who you surround yourself with but most importantly, it depends on you. There are people whose energy peaks at 40 and others who feel stronger, happier and more energetic at 75: we’re all different and as women, we should celebrate our differences and support each other at every step of the way.
And if we talk about energy we sit in the driver’s seat and we are in charge – if we talk about age – it is a matter of fact that we are aging.
The key to rediscovering your energy, regardless of age, is shedding the societal expectations: dare to chase your dreams and conquer your fears. Nurture yourself because this is something you’re already doing for others. Once, for a change, put yourself first and give yourself the Attention you deserve. Make your life Great by gathering and collecting everything you’ve done so far and turning your Experiences into cherished memories and the cornerstones of what makes you the fantastic woman you are today.
And, because we all need a little push sometimes, let me be your guide as you embark on this magnificent journey. If you need support, guidance or someone to cheer you up, to inspire you as you go through the different stages of womanhood and come out happier, stronger and more in tune with everything you’ve ever wanted to be.
REFRAMING is the Art of putting what is known in a new more useful perspective and it is an effectual strategy in reducing stress Ladies!!! - blog on this soon - subscribe and stay tuned.........
MY BIG REFRAMING is.........
It is not about AGE – it is about
ATTITUDE - GRATITUDE and ENERGY
It is about this, this, this!!!!!🎼🎤🎼 – yess sing it out loud and go on the happy trail of your life proud to be a woman of a certain age.
Attention here we come – let’s rock life!!!