Updated: Jun 12, 2019
You are unique. Special. Awesome. Freaking amazing! Yes, you are - period!
When you are born, this is the truth you are meant to live by.
But what happens instead?
Instead of feeling great, gorgeous, pretty, happy, joyful, and playful, as you were meant to - the world outside tells you something else.
We are too old. Too young. Too fat. Too skinny. The world always says we are “too this” or “too that.” No matter what the “this” or “that” actually is - whenever there is a too, it means there is a judgement from the outside that we are somehow not okay.
But who is defining this?
Others – friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, society?
Who are we allowing to define us - them? Or us?
Don’t allow others (or your bank account, or your weight, or your height) to define you just by measures.
Because you are more than that.
What Are You Letting Define Your “Happy?”
Of course, it is nice if you have enough money. It makes life easier, to some degree. Of course, it is nice to wear nice clothes, because they help you feel good. Of course, it is nice to drive a cool car, to have a 6-pack, 8-pack, 12-pack to feel sexy, to take vacations, to eat nice meals.
BUT – in the long term your bank account will not make you happy. Long term, your clothes, shoes, jewelry, cars - will not give you what you really want or need.
You want to be accepted the way you are, as the authentic, real you. Have you spent time before with people who don’t care where you come from, what you achieved, what you have? People who enjoy the real you, and being present in the moment – the here and now? How valuable is the time spent with those types of people?
When people who are dying or have terminal diseases are asked what they really miss, evidence shows it is not their bank account, their car, the Gucci watch or the Armani boots. It’s not the constant comparison of themselves to others. It is actually the small things in life that they appreciate most.
The precious moments with their dog or a loved one, the touch of the wind or the warming sun, seeing a sunset or listening to the birds in the morning, laughing about some curiosity of life – this is what they regret not having more of.
It is not the cover of lifestyle magazines or their Facebook account (or Twitter or Instagram). No, because in the end, those mediums are where you basically enjoy others’ lives from a distance, or even feel bad comparing your own life to their beautiful lives.
Because on most of social media, people just talk about what they have, where they have been, or how awesome they are. But as soon as comparison enters the picture, we start to feel bad. We wish we could live their lives and be like them – instead of appreciating our own lives.
It’s easy to think, Oh, how good it would be to walk in their shoes and to live their lives. I want to be like them.
It’s easy to even hate them or envy what they have.
Wishing you were someone else only makes you miserable. You start to deny yourself and begin to let the outer world define you.
How can you be happy as you, if you want to be someone else?
Happiness starts with being present in this moment. With valuing “what is” and not “what is not.” Happiness is when you are aligned with yourself and your values. Happiness starts and expresses itself through joy – the joy of being you! Valuing who you are, what you are, what you personally achieved and what you are proud of.
The Most Important Measurement Comes from Within
No external measurement defines the joy, the art, the power of being you. Because you are unique. When you ignore what makes you the unique person you are, you begin to lose yourself and your happiness.
If you love someone and then lose them, it’s easy to feel like you lost your happiness because that feeling depended on someone or something else. But if you’re honest with yourself, in the end – it is only about you. The way you loved, the way you enjoyed life and the way you treated yourself and others – no matter what others did.
We love animals (especially dogs), because they give unconditional love and this is the key! They don’t care about other external stuff, like your clothes or how you look - they just give love regardless.
Don’t let external standards define you.
Don’t let critics define you.
Don’t let negative people define you.
Of course, use feedback as a chance to learn and grow and develop, because you cannot without feedback. But, you must be clear that you are not on Earth to be like others want you to be. You have to live your life on your terms - not their terms.
How can you start to do this?
Reserve defining yourself to you, and not to someone else.
Redefine beautiful into being a beautiful person – a beautiful person is someone who is caring, kind, and loving.
Redefine gorgeous – be gorgeous on the inside first.
Redefine growth and wealth by your personal growth, not your bank account.
Redefine how you see your looks by appreciating your personal tweaks and twists, not by what a magazine or designers say you’re supposed to look like.
What kind of person would you want to be with? What kind of person would you choose to stay with for the rest of your life? Skinny, size zero, lifted, always on a diet, has a 6-pack but no time for anything else other than exercise? Or a warm-hearted, loving, caring real person at your side? When you think about it, anything other than that seems insane!
Now, I am not saying, “Do not go to the gym, do not pay attention to your health and wealth, your career, your wishes and wants, and do not invest in development or the things that are important for you!”
Just don’t let them define you!
Measure yourself by your true values. Your development of your capabilities. Your competencies, your strength, your understanding of beauty and being.
When you do this, it will show on the outside.
Allowing others to define you just makes you lose the joy of being you. It stops you from being happy.
Use What You Learn From Others to Grow
I, too, like to scroll on Insta and Facebook. I love to see beautiful pictures, I love to read inspiring, authentic stuff – and you should also do whatever you like. But keep in mind, a recent study said that frequent Facebook users are less happy after spending time on Facebook – because they often spend that time reading about the beautiful awesome lives of other people and then compare to their own lives.
So if you are a follower of any sort of social media – don’t make others your guru! Be your own guru.
You are enough.
You are awesome.
You are amazing and special at something.
Get inspired and fired up by other stories and only go for good vibes.
Ask yourself, “What can I learn from others?”
I personally learn from everyone!
Ask yourself, “How can I achieve what I want in life for my own happiness and development?”
Stay away from envy, anger, feeling ashamed or not being good enough. These thoughts and beliefs manifest something in your body and chemistry. Comparison and feeling misery steals the joy of being you!
If you wish you could have this or that – like the trip to Hawaii or a stay at this beautiful hotel on the cliffs – just get inspired and find the how. How could you go about getting it because YOU really want it?
Make a What I like about myself list of all the things you like about yourself, and go from that – express and strengthen those items. Maybe you have a great sense of humour and others say you are a funny person. Maybe you can lift people up when they’re down. You have beautiful eyes, or you love your hair. You are a great artist, you are a great soccer player, or you are a great mom or dad. This list can help you be your own reference system – you don’t need a guru to tell you these things.
What does it mean to be you and feel good about it? What are the parts of your life, your way, your body that you really love and enjoy – why not all of you?
Joy is an expression of happiness that comes from inside – keeping your eyes on others prevents you from joy and happiness. Envy and focusing on “what is missing” leads to grief and misery. Envy and jealousy are the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. They are the ties that bind and bind and bind – until you can’t escape.
Happiness is linked to a refusal to always compare yourself to others. Only use comparison for learning and developing, not to judge your own worth. Acknowledge your own achievements and the achievements of others – because they’re both important. Don’t ignore your own assets and achievements – count them and be proud!
Gratitude is the Path to a Happier Life
We often count the blessings of others but do not appreciate ours. Don’t discount your own opinion, it’s the most important one in your life, and life is too short to postpone your own happiness.
Only YOU can be in the driver’s seat of your life and take responsibility for it.
Make the decision now to learn and develop and be happy with your achievements so far. Value and focus on the good - the rest is just experience and learning.
The next level is Gratitude. Gratitude is the key. Be grateful for what life or God, or whoever you believe in – has given you. There is always something to be grateful for.
Start your mornings and end your days by being grateful for at least 3 things, and immediately you will feel better and happier. Because you see the good more clearly.
Yes, it’s true: Gratitude will boost your happiness immediately.
Finally, I invite you to listen to Nicholas James Vujicic, an Australian preacher and motivational speaker born with Tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs.
Listen to him and hear how inspiring and awesome and beautiful a person can be without legs and arms – and be grateful if you can walk. Walking is a great blessing – but a good life is also possible without that particular blessing.
We are all blessed in some “little” things in life – let’s thank God (or whomever) that we are so blessed and go out there and live life to the fullest – knowing it is beautiful and precious!
Enjoy your life because – YOU matter⭐